Have you ever wondered what it’s like inside the mind of a women contemplating abortion?
I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they can never understand how someone can end the life of their
child. How they must not know God, how they must not have a heart and that they will never “get it”.
Well I get it – because I’ve been there. I was the teenager who became pregnant after having sex only 2
times! I had plans on going to college and having a big career.
I was in love with my baby’s father – and we wanted to get married, but not yet. And even though he
probably thought he was being supportive – his line “I’ll support you in whatever you want to do” made
it feel like I was the only one in this situation. All of this was on me! And that wasn’t fair.
During this time, all I could see were the problems. They were so heavy on my shoulders that I couldn’t
concentrate on anything else. All of the “what ifs” plagued my every thought. How am I going to do
this? What if my boyfriend leaves me? How will I raise a baby all by myself? My parents are going to
absolutely kill me!!
Abortion seemed like the only solution that would make all of that go away. And I could do it and no
one would know! Yes it’s wrong, yes it’s a sin – but it’s the only option that will allow my life (and
everyone else’s life this would affect) not to change. But this was also me thinking that the change
would be a bad thing. Nothing in my thoughts allowed me to think this could be a change for the good.
I thought I could get an abortion and then never think about it again. I could get on with my life and
have children later when I’m ready.
And that’s exactly what I did. But my life didn’t go back to normal.
My boyfriend and I broke up. Come to find out he was a complete narcissist who constantly cheated on
I went to college, but I found myself drinking heavily to forget about the pain of the abortion. Or to
preoccupy me from thinking of my child. Which still did not help.
I would think about if they were a boy or a girl. I always felt she was a girl. How old would she be now?
What would she look like? Would she like sports, books or princesses?
Aside from that, who would ever want to date a girl who killed her own child? I felt worthless and a
disappointment in everything. My grades suffered and I didn’t end up with the glamourous job that I
had planned. I stayed in a world of hurt for years – drinking my way through life.
This is Post-Abortion Stress which is a real thing – and extremely hard to live with. This is why post-
abortive women turn to drinking, drugs…… even suicide.
Thankfully I was introduced to New Life Clinic’s Post-abortion recovery program. I was able to meet
with other post-abortive women who shared all the same feelings I did. I was no longer alone. I could
talk out my pain with people who understood me. I was able to understand God’s forgiveness and feel
completely healed. I no longer had a large gaping wound that hurt every time I thought about my little
girl. Instead I was able to grieve her loss and give her the dignity she deserved.
I encourage anyone suffering from Post-abortion stress to reach out to New Life Clinic. Even if you
cannot attend the classes – it’s worth it just to talk to someone and know they will be there for you!